Lately I’ve been drawn into quarrels in some of those groups, and I never thought it could get that ugly. It started from a very little incident, when I was being honest and told one of the groups that I know and am friends with a member of another group. Then all hell broke loose. I was kicked out, and received really ugly messages from the admin of that group, written in a vile language which I won’t repeat here, accusing me of being a liar and a spy, and of copying threads from that group to the other one where my friend is.
Have they gone mad? How can someone who doesn’t even know me send me words so vicious that they keep me from sleeping at night, and make me sick to my stomach? It’s emotionally draining, but I’m stubborn and have been seeking justice. I’ve cried out on my own Facebook wall, and after I’ve spoken with the other admins of that group things are looking better. I’ve been offered to come back into the group, but I’ve demanded an apology from the one who sent me the ugliest, most sickening message ever.
The last few days have been so painful, it has nearly made me puke. This incident has torn up old, deep emotional scars, the feeling of not being believed, that I have to prove that I am honest, and not a liar. When I grew up, these feelings were on the daily agenda. I was always the one who got the blame, although I didn’t do anything wrong. Always forced to apologize, even though it wasn’t my fault, much as I told the truth they made sure I knew that they never really believed me. And even today that feeling controls my life. I’m sick and tired of feeling as if I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, both in real life and now on Facebook. It’s not fair! And that’s why I must have that apology.
I wonder if it’s the same thing that happens when people go on Facebook as when they go driving, that they leave their manners at home, just letting go of kindness, honesty and politeness, and let their middle fingers do the talking and not give a damn about how they make others feel. They think only of themselves, and how to turn things to their own advantage, by driving others down into the mud if that’s what it takes.
A group administrator has absolute power within the group, and some enjoy that power a little too much. It’s their decision who gets to stay, and who gets kicked out because their opinions, their feelings or the people they know may not be quite to the admin’s liking. And if those people get hurt, it’s not the admin’s problem, it’s just a little bit of extra spice to their day, and they don’t care if someone else loses sleep over it.
So if you’re a group admin, be careful how you use your powers. Be aware of your responsibility, and the fact that you’re dealing with real people and real feelings. Be as respectful and considerate towards others, as you expect them to be towards you.
“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”
— Thumper (Disney’s “Bambi”)