And let it be clear, the reason why I don’t support adoption is because I have had a hell on Earth during my childhood. I just write this because adoptive parents who already adopted have a huge responsibility towards the adopted children even more than if you got kids of your own. And my bold statement comes here: I wish adoption ends some day, there are other ways to do things. ADOPTION IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM! At one end there will always be a grieving mother, and at the other end a child who misses her natural Mum. These are plain, honest facts from my heart. I wrote that first paragraph on Facebook one day, and I just felt like writing more on this subject.
Why is it that you get hurt when we wonder where we came from? Why is it a taboo? How can you say that you are my only mum, and be pissed off for my asking? Or telling us to get over it, or else you will be so hurt by it, by us asking about our past? We are supposed to love you endlessly, and put on big smiles on our faces, showing all kinds of gratitude and be happy. Move on with our lives and forget our past, pretend that everything is OK. Live in denial and be so-called happy adoptees, or angry ones who never fit in, and they will show it in many ways. But we stay true to you, because we experienced to be relinquished once, and we fear that it will happen again. So in order to cope with our lives we prefer to do everything in the world to be so-called loveable, or we do the opposite just to test you.
But either way adoption is a huge loss, like the death of a loved one, and when someone dies there is mourning, but not for us. We must hide or forget that trauma, carry that loss inside us. Because in many cases we are supposed to be a substitute for the child they could not have themselves, or just be a family member to complete a facade of a nice, happy family with big smiles on their faces. I know this can be very controversial but its the truth. If you search your hearts and answer truthfully you will acknowledge that you paid money for that child, and you hope and expect something back, and when we do not live up to that expectation life will be ruined for the second time around.
So many families in complete chaos, and even cases of children being sent back to their homeland because their adoptive parents did not register them to become real citizens of the country they were adopted to. So how can adoptive parents be so cruel? First they contribute to the first huge loss by tearing us away from our parents, and do the paper work so we don’t get to know our story, and we lose the right to look through our journals in closed adoptions, the truth in many cases. And when we’ve lost everything, and I mean absolutely everything, then some are sent back again, being an alien in the country they once knew.
The adoption business is all about money and politics, though the world will not admit it yet, but we adoptees are caught in the middle of it, and at our costs. We suffer as long as the world looks upon adoption as “a beautiful and noble thing to do”. This is meant to be a wake up call to the world. Remember, we adoptees are not products; we are human beings with lots of feelings. You adoptive parents claim ownership over us for a lifetime, but know this: LOVE FOR OUR NATURAL PARENTS comes first. And trust and love must be earned, not demanded.
And even if the intention of adopting is good, there will always inevitably be special problems. The questions and the problems will come some day inside every adoptee. And that “they lived happily ever after” thing, exist only in the fairy tales. This may sound very harsh but, after all, the ones who who have nothing to say in the matter of adoption are us, the frightened, traumatized little children who arrive into this new alien environment which we must call home.
A big thank you to adoptees who support me worldwide 🙂