Special, Chosen, Lucky

As a Korean adoptee in Norway, I’m special. Anyone who looks at me can see that I am Asian; black hair, brown skin, brown eyes. I’m different from everybody here, I am special because I have a story no one else has, because I have a life-long grief in my heart, and yet the word special is supposed to be nice.

I was chosen by my adoptive parents from a number of other Korean children. Although I didn’t know it, from the age of 7 months until I was two years old I was in a competition. Finally I won, and they prepared me for the biggest task of my life. I was moved from the orphanage to a foster home somewhere else, to stay a while until I was ready to leave behind everything and everyone that I knew, without my family knowing that I would never see them again. And then I was given a one way ticket to leave Korea for good. I was truly the chosen one.

I was lucky to leave it all behind me; my family, culture, country, heritage, my mother tongue, the food I was used to. To leave my past and what memories I had, to make room for all the wonderful new things that were to come into my life. And because I was so lucky, everyone expected me to be most grateful for it all. Lucky to get a new home with an abusive childhood. Because I was so lucky, today I struggle with deep psychological and emotional issues.

For me, those three words are just enormous lies. Special! Chosen! Lucky! They are evil words, and I hate them! Why do adoptive parents use them to lie to us? We are human beings with feelings, and we carry emotional baggage filled with sorrow and grief.

We adoptees would be special, chosen and lucky if we could have the same human rights as others. If we could be cradled in our real mother’s arms, and not be ripped out of our lives and placed in someone else’s, suffering serious mental traumas in the process. We would be chosen ones if we could stay where we are really loved, despite how difficult life might be there and then. Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and it’s really evil.

When will the world see that adoption is not beautiful? How could it be? The reality of it is simple: You buy a baby at the cost of other people’s grief. Somewhere there is a mother who mourns her lost child for the rest of her life, while a lonely little child is crying for her real mother. Do you get it, World? Now is the time to throw away the old thoughts about adoption, that it is such a beautiful thing, because it is not.

I’m grateful to all the people who work actively against the big, greedy adoption markets in the world.

And I thank all of you who follow my blog. You will know by now that I am totally against adoption.

There are so many of us who suffer, so many of us who, every day of our lives, pay the price for being special, chosen and lucky. Those words make me sick, and I hereby banish them, SPECIAL, CHOSEN and LUCKY, for all time.

Thanks to one person who really opened my eyes to those three words.

~ Khara


4 thoughts on “Special, Chosen, Lucky

  1. Reblogged this on The Life Of Von and commented:
    An excellent post which really makes clear why words need to be carefully picked when speaking about adoption.The words special, chosen and lucky have come to signify quite the opposite for those of us who are the recipients of such attentions.They are the by-words of the adoption industry, parroted by adopters and repeated ad infinitum to adoptees of all ages in all sorts of circumstances.

  2. wow:) Thanks for sharing and let the world know about adoption. Its so frustrating that the world does not see that adoption is a huge trauma, for us and our real parents. Its an honor to be re posted in your blog:)

  3. Sadly life is hard more or less for everyone. To be adopted is definetely a sad hard task. Thanks for reading:)

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